I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
