Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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