Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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