He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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