Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
