the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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