Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to have your abortion
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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