I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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