Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
