he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Randomize
