today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
