EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize