Michael Bay diarrhea
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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