He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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