I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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