Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
