i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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