I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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