I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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