just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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