She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
