i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
