I hate your face
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Randomize
