Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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