i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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