he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
