I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
