just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
