man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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