this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
