I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
