You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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