i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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