You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
