ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Never underestimate the power of titties
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
