she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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