So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
