return my video game
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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