why didn't you poke me back
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
