Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
