90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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