tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need water and some morals
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