sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
