Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i will never coherently bang her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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