If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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