she was so not down for the gang bang
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I will pee on everything he values.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
