lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize