my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
