Please, let me fuck your mom
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
