he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
