If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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