It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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