It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
