Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Bring me that man meat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
