So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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