Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just high enough for therapy.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
