Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
