People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
