I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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