There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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