He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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