I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
