They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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