I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize