i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize