So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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