i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
