it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize