I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
