It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
