awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
