I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
