i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
