Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
