i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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