were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
why is half of my head shaved?
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