How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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