Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
