A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
