I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
