You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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