I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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