How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
did i walk over a car last night?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize