I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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