all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
