Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
