dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
