She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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