Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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