so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
