i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
