her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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