I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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