Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
