Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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