Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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