that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
