i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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