everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
