and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
