um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
