I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
