time to smoke my breakfast
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
