Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
