Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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